Camazotz, revision 4

[vagabond]

Camazotz

We all look mass-produced here,
like God got a discount buying                             though i like the "million pack" i´m no fan of god bought.. i mean he would rather have produced them by the million..  like  some clone factory that someone forgot to turn off. strange, how anything that is there in vast quantities seems to lose worth.  
the million pack of humans in cool summer neutrals—
Ecru Mushroom, Pinot Grigio, Serengeti Sun.               
I should buy my dresses wholesale too, the family pack,
so I don't ever run out
(on everyone).

I wear my part like a dress while I sweep
and whistle like Cinderella with her mice,
but nicely dressed and less maligned.          .. i keep continuing this in my mind to ".. but more aligned.." probably not intended that way, or was it?
Strike that, we can't keep rodents;
the HOA is prejudiced against vermin.
So, we get presentable pets:         i like that double point, shocking the decent reader in the next line
hissing cockroaches and emperor scorpions          maybe get rid of "hissing".. or replace cockroaches with snakes or something (never heard that cockroaches hiss)
are for outlandish people
who fail to assimilate.

I'm one of those people now
whose fantasies of originality actualize          i think you could leave that line out.. the four diff. shades of beige are clear enough about fake individuality
by choosing a paint swatch
from four different shades of cafe au lait.               
I'm becoming one with this stage set               and you could in my opinion leave out the second "I´m" in this stanza
of Baja Beige, weatherproof, composite siding.

What would Bukowski say?        
Whine, whine, wine.   nice self-ironic interruption, first i didn´t quite know what to do with it in the poem.. then i thought it led well into the somehow tranquilized last stanza

You're right, Charlie, I shouldn't complain
since the drone life is smooth
and there's abundant company
among rows and rows of common blooms,           
no less beautiful for being clones.
We're a North Dakota sunflower field,            i do like "field" here, can´t explain easily why (in my head) it opposes the somehow soothing thought of the preceding line and becomes kind of creepy with the last line.
all smiling up at a humdrum sun.                           

as to your last post in this thread: no returned crit owed : )