10-19-2017, 02:57 PM
Your concise wording works very well here in setting up specific imagery. Your analogies to the stillness of nature appropriately convey a sense of quiet contemplation, with the last two lines providing a nice reflective conclusion that ties back to the restlessness we expect from the title.
My only suggestion here would be to potentially add to this overall push and pull of quiet/disquiet through experimenting with line breaks. This could be useful in slowing down the first half of the poem, which could contrast well with the second half as it is (where you introduce more rushed action gestures such as shifting).
My only suggestion here would be to potentially add to this overall push and pull of quiet/disquiet through experimenting with line breaks. This could be useful in slowing down the first half of the poem, which could contrast well with the second half as it is (where you introduce more rushed action gestures such as shifting).