10-17-2017, 09:52 PM
Hi,
I agree with the other critic. It seems as though the ice cream night represents some larger theme you are trying to convey. Maybe step away from the poem and try to think of what you want to express. Then add some more concrete sences from life to make the people less abstract. For instance, if you choose to talk about an ice cream social as the title implies you are, connect back to the ice cream and people more and relate them to the ideas you with to convey.
Good luck!
I agree with the other critic. It seems as though the ice cream night represents some larger theme you are trying to convey. Maybe step away from the poem and try to think of what you want to express. Then add some more concrete sences from life to make the people less abstract. For instance, if you choose to talk about an ice cream social as the title implies you are, connect back to the ice cream and people more and relate them to the ideas you with to convey.
Good luck!