For the Birds - Edit 1

[Knot]

Hi Wjames
If this is as playful as the title suggests, then why not start with
'All the park's a stage'?
I think the 'circus' idea is an interesting one and could stand to be developed further.
You're also right, I think, in that it could be tightened further.
Here are my suggestions:

The park is an intrinsic stage,
birds twirl, land on wire
[I think you could add a line here, maybe about their colours or songs,
something that builds on the circus idea]
circus freaks who risk [all]

for joy and art and little grubs.
It's common courtesy to pay
you [give] some grain
and take the awe

that lifts you through a day
They don't eat much these days
[again, a couple more lines on a circus theme to end]


I like the imagery in S2, particularly 'husks', just not sure it works in this piece.
Though if you're set on it, I would say that an explanation for why
the 'worms have all dried up' might help.
I also find 'freaks' a little odd, when you 'take the awe'.

Best, Knot.