10-10-2017, 08:52 PM
Reading Tom's comments, it seems most of his complaint is with S1, both with the breaks not being as effective as in the rest of the poem and with the tense of "it'll make touching her easier" with the rest of the piece being in the present, the N knowing what the future will bring.
Personally I don't have any problem with an N knowing what their plan is. I also have no problem with the couplet, I'm a poet and didn't know it. Regular speech sometimes rhymes and for me these lines did their job well.
I think Tom's point is that when poetic devices bring attention to themselves it weakens the poet's ability to slip into a non-poet's voice. IMO he found they distracted him. Like in any other poem, if done well all devices add rather than subtract.
I enjoyed reading that one again, a keeper for me.
Personally I don't have any problem with an N knowing what their plan is. I also have no problem with the couplet, I'm a poet and didn't know it. Regular speech sometimes rhymes and for me these lines did their job well.
I think Tom's point is that when poetic devices bring attention to themselves it weakens the poet's ability to slip into a non-poet's voice. IMO he found they distracted him. Like in any other poem, if done well all devices add rather than subtract.
I enjoyed reading that one again, a keeper for me.
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