Second Edit: One Night Stand

[Todd]

Richard,

This feels stronger to me. Some comments:

Second Edit:

One Night Stand

Her home becomes the most inviting blanket
as I renew my acquaintance with night.--I like the tighter lead-in. I think it launches us right from the title.

At dawn, our children ask for daddy,--Perhaps replace our with my (clearly there is an our but it's a bit of an abrupt shift from S1).
you lie that I'm gone to the store, and I hate you for it.
I wake up next to her, and hate myself even more.

As I walk home, snow falls between sleeping grass:--possibly blades of sleeping grass.
greens dulled by time.
That same snow wets my face as I rehearse
the usual lines.

If only this was a one night stand,
then everything would be alright.

No other real call outs on this version. 

Best,

Todd