Second Edit: One Night Stand

[vagabond]

First Edit:

One Night Stand

At midnight,
I listen to the wordless judgements
of silence,
our children sleep,
you dream of things I'll never know,
her home becomes the most inviting blanket.

At dawn, silence shatters its gavel,
our children ask for daddy,
you lie that I'm gone to the store, and I hate you for it.
I wake up next to her, and I hate myself even more.

As I walk home, snow falls gently
in between sleeping grass:
vivid greens dulled by passing time.
White is the future, white as bones
lost in the snow that dared to bury
killing fields and death marches.
That same snow wets my face as I rehearse
the usual lines.

If only this was a one night stand,
I think, standing outside our home,
then everything would be alright.


Original:
One Night Stand

At midnight, silence shrieks,
children sleep,
most adults dream,
her home becomes the most inviting blanket.

At dawn, silence stops,
children yawn,
some adults return to life,
I awaken next to her, more alone.

there´s something i miss in this poem´s content..
the mere description of betrayal isn´t the most interesting part in my opinion.. i ´d wonder about reasons.
but maybe it needs no explanation, love can seldom be explained.
i think your second version is clearer in some points.. but i can´t understand the third line of the second stanza.
hope this feedback is useful in some sort.