Lost love

[Huckleberry]

Hey, the thought you put into the beauty of the poem is what I appreciated the most. Your intro drew me in and I liked it! 
Then I felt like you were trying too hard. Some of the complex words you chose felt forced. I think if you read through and highlighted the areas you think most strongly emphasize what you're saying, then you can condense and focus the poem. Make it shorter. I find that focus can strengthen it, and that less is more. 
Beautiful work. 
Don’t make a noise, don’t break a stick,
A candle without a wick;
Go silently their way along,
Days are so short, nights are so long.
Does it matter when hope is gone
For those willing to be bygone?
Nights are too bright, life is too thick;
There are men who just never sleep.
 
Their tearless eyes looking aghast,
Knight defending the last turret,
Butterflies lost in the desert,
Princes of ephemeral past,
They freeze at the Lilliputian
Miserly sight of the ocean,
Its nights too bright, its life so thick,
There are men who just never sleep.
 
There once was a mighty princess,
An Eldorado, a bright star,
Her orbit turned them to ageless,
A wreck, a nothing, a sandbar,
A light house that in the dark
Dreams of sailing home the lost ark.
Nights are too bright, life is a blight;
There are men just waiting to die.

Thanks Youi, you probably have a point (as much as I hate to admit it ) On the other hand, I thought the "breaking"  in the third stanza (however otherwise criticized for being too strong) would lose its effect if the first part was too short... Somehow there must be a way to sort it out...