09-29-2017, 09:06 PM
Hello 
Overall I enjoyed your poem, you could actually feel the words as they flow along, which I like.
Personally, my only issue is with the word "mine" being used in two lines immediately after one another. I know what you are trying to express, I just feel it stilts it a little & am wondering if their is an alternative you can use that will still maintain the same message.
Her gracefulness
She reminds me of an
old, good book.
She is endless.
Beauty divine,
that's her.
Glorious, magnificent,
entirely mine.
Oh Lord, when her eyes stumble upon mine,
I, the lost one, am finally found.
Her gracefulness
is buried deep inside
of me.
Overall I enjoyed your poem, you could actually feel the words as they flow along, which I like.
Personally, my only issue is with the word "mine" being used in two lines immediately after one another. I know what you are trying to express, I just feel it stilts it a little & am wondering if their is an alternative you can use that will still maintain the same message.
Her gracefulness
She reminds me of an
old, good book.
She is endless.
Beauty divine,
that's her.
Glorious, magnificent,
entirely mine.
Oh Lord, when her eyes stumble upon mine,
I, the lost one, am finally found.
Her gracefulness
is buried deep inside
of me.