Dormant
#3
(09-27-2017, 07:58 AM)Keith Wrote:  Hi TtL
I enjoyed this, I wasn't sure we're it was taking me until the N shrunk away from sight, I'm not a fan of the title by the whole sequence works well, some thoughts. Best Keith
(09-25-2017, 10:42 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  Dormant
 
It's nice to have the kitchen clean
before winter; sets up the read nicely and does enough to get my interest
 
when the mania comes
I could topple a king. Great I know how this feels with a wink at border line ocd
 
On a swell of adrenaline
I made a Thanksgiving meal
for a few of my friends—
trying to sow some seeds
of momentum by good will. By or with?
 
It could have been
the wine,
or maybe the gentle hands
of tryptophan,
or both,
that lowered me
into hibernation
again. Solid sequence really turns the read and the Poem on its head. I would end the poem here but that's me
 
But I dreamed of them,
out there cleaning their kitchens
and toppling kings and asking each other,
"Where is Mikey? He would have loved this."this line would make a great title
Hey Keith. Thanks for your input. I've quickly fallen out of love with the last line, so the idea of using it as the title is something to consider. 
Paul
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Messages In This Thread
Dormant - by Tiger the Lion - 09-25-2017, 10:42 PM
RE: Dormant - by Keith - 09-27-2017, 07:58 AM
RE: Dormant - by Tiger the Lion - 09-28-2017, 08:56 AM
RE: Dormant - by RiverNotch - 09-28-2017, 03:26 PM



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