The Cherry trees

[Todd]

Hi Keith,

It's a lot different but still thematically on point. I worry that I'm reading the original into this version and I wonder if the subject would come across as clearly without the opening about names or the pram. It's a concern but it's still a lovely poem.

Edit 2

In heavy rain--I could also view heavy rain as a metaphor for depression and loss
underneath dripping branches
we dispersed you,
watched you,--Possibly pull up watered down to have that parallel structure closer on one line.
watered down swirling into eddies,
sinking underground.--Your sonics here are gorgeous (assonance, consonance). It also flows well with the content underneath, underground. The entire swirling into eddies. This idea of going into the underworld. 

Maybe it was the sunlight,
filtered through the white blossom,--lovely image
or springs first false whisper--I love first false whisper. While you don't have to capitalize spring as your not personifying it that completely. I think you do need an apostrophe spring's. 
that found the corner of your mouth,
carried you away,
a milky sweetness on the breeze,--That is a poignant line. The loss through a smell. Nice choice
drifting out beyond the trees,
trading your breath as nectar
to help each flower grow.--Love this return to the earth and blend with nature imagery. There is renewal but there is loss.

In the quiet of our home
lemon walls were waiting,
the mobile above your cot--This sets the age and gives a hint of who the you is mentioned above.
clicked on,
a single chime that made me--Not liking the break on me. Perhaps on made or close.
close the door.

I poured some tea
and looked to the garden,
the trees had laid down
their blankets,
giving up their short life--the comparison is strong. 
to keep you warm,
as they do every year.--There is such a back and forth sorrow/wistful sense about this. Strong close.

I think the revision is an improvement though you still may want to alter the title to include some aspect of "They Wanted to Name You Blossom" into it. I think the title needs to carry slightly more exposition to keep the emotional connection strong throughout.

This was and continues to be one of my favorite pieces by you.

Best,

Todd