Long Distance

[BW BRINE]

Overall I think it's a good start. You hit on some real feelings here. A lot of the rhyming feels forced and some of the language is unhelpful to what you're trying to say. Metre all over the place but that's not the end of the world for me for a poem like this.

Long Distance

I feel shit.I'm with Billy on this, sounds like you're touching shit. Might be a regional phrase (UK?)
Just had a good night out hit Don't know what this means, and perfect example of forced rhyme
and now it's the next day.
No hangover, just feeling this way.

Listening to Oasis;
I never listen to Oasis.
Messaged the missus, "i miss you",
she says, "dno why boo?".
I like this bit here.

Been 3000 miles away for 4 months
and she still doesn't miss me; Broken your form here, the metre is all off
says she's "busy".
I reply, "yeah I guess so",
it just don't seem right though.
I like the last two lines in this bit. Try and change around what's conveyed in the first half. I've been there, saying one thing but it doesn't feel right. Don't think it needs expanding as others have said; if you've felt it, you can't expand on it,
it's there and not much else.

And now i feel more shit,
been latching onto other sad bits.
Getting all emotional for no reason,
feeling like a girl on her one week season.
Could do without this whole section. Doesn't help the poem IMO

Am usually calm and collective,
emotionless, never need protecting. Bad near-rhyme
But now i think i'm in a rut - a hole,
I've hit a wall. 
And now it's time to strut - to go,
to fly back home.

Ending is a bit weird. Came out of left field really. Where were you anyway? Didn't realize you were at her place,
or somewhere other than home? I guess maybe you're the one that's long distance? Was uncertain til here. maybe that's one thing that you could work on for the piece, making clear to the reader who is long distance from whom. Expand on where you are and what you're feeling where you are perhaps.

-BW BRINE