Edit 3: Sepulture

[Keith]

Hi alexorande
I really enjoyed this take on night fall seeing the stars as a forming congregation is a nice metaphor and one you could have made more of in the poem, I like how you help the reader see this, just needs a bit of tidy up. Some comments. Keith

Congregation 
 
Our titan drowned forcing light Do you need light? when paired against night it sounds forced. Could be reaching out instead of forcing. ignore all my suggested word changes
into the ambiguous night 
and the pall they had woven I like this line but why they? Titan is singular. great use of pall.
from out of the water this doesn't read right to my English ear
is stained with the tears this is trying to be too poetic and waste a line that could be used to reinforce the congregation metaphor, your poem
of the gathering stars. great image
 
This will happen tomorrow, and the day after, this too could be veiled in the metaphor not sure how but its a thought.
and throughout many lifetimes;
as if it wasn't a routine. the ending could be stronger