09-18-2017, 10:31 AM
I think another point to make regarding the prose section is how "the routine of setting, checking, and cleaning traps" is just, relative to the rest of the paragraph, far too, er, smooth, or smooth-sounding, thus not fitting very well with how the rest of the paragraph is all, er, gritty, stoppered, syncopated. I suppose it does inform how much of a routine the whole thing is, but I think perhaps varying the way that whole routine is described might do it for me, perhaps by discussing it in more detail, as you do in the discussion.
Also "riddling" emphasizes the "ing" sound, thus leading the ending of the poem (lol) into the same problems as the aforementioned routine. That said, "piercing" didn't do it any favors, either, and unlike with the prose section I don't think this is as big of a problem. So, on this point, *shrug emoticon*.
PS I didn't realize that this was based on that Judith Wright poem you posted earlier until, say, three reads ago, and with that knowledge this piece shines all the more. I do suggest linking to the piece in the OP, not as a part of the poem, but as a sort of footnote.
Also "riddling" emphasizes the "ing" sound, thus leading the ending of the poem (lol) into the same problems as the aforementioned routine. That said, "piercing" didn't do it any favors, either, and unlike with the prose section I don't think this is as big of a problem. So, on this point, *shrug emoticon*.
PS I didn't realize that this was based on that Judith Wright poem you posted earlier until, say, three reads ago, and with that knowledge this piece shines all the more. I do suggest linking to the piece in the OP, not as a part of the poem, but as a sort of footnote.