09-16-2017, 05:26 AM
Hey there,
My favorite part of this poem is the metaphor that you used at the end ' sea is the paper, and tears are ink'. When you look into it in ore detail, it speaks volumes to me; they are writing their own history, their own path, across the sea (though I do not know if this was intended).
I usually do love rhymes but I'm not a fan of these ones. They just seem a little forced. You have a great basis, a potentially great story to get across and I too would like to see a version of this without rhymes, it would definitely be interesting.
My favorite part of this poem is the metaphor that you used at the end ' sea is the paper, and tears are ink'. When you look into it in ore detail, it speaks volumes to me; they are writing their own history, their own path, across the sea (though I do not know if this was intended).
I usually do love rhymes but I'm not a fan of these ones. They just seem a little forced. You have a great basis, a potentially great story to get across and I too would like to see a version of this without rhymes, it would definitely be interesting.