09-16-2017, 05:15 AM
Hey there, I like the overall feel of the poem; lying down in a moment of peace and staring up into the night sky.
However the content of the poem is too vague for my liking - I prefer more focused poems but hey that's just a personal preference of mine. In this case if you're trying to get across the idea of 'a wandering mind', it would be cool to also get across the emotions of that mind - what is your desired future? Are you worried about that future? Are you optimistic?
I do like your rhymes though! They make the read much smoother.
However the content of the poem is too vague for my liking - I prefer more focused poems but hey that's just a personal preference of mine. In this case if you're trying to get across the idea of 'a wandering mind', it would be cool to also get across the emotions of that mind - what is your desired future? Are you worried about that future? Are you optimistic?
I do like your rhymes though! They make the read much smoother.