09-15-2017, 07:02 PM
Hi, I like the up-dated version of your poem, I know its two now but I kinda of read them as follow on-s from one another which I think is quite clever, I don't know if it's something I would be able to do.
I like the Titles by the way. Clever. The only comment I will make really is "Between me & God" I struggle with as for years I've been told it should be "Between God & I" & I don't know if I'm able to change my firmly created mindset so I find it a bit jarring. However, I will accept that this is probably just me & my outdated perceptions.
A Constant Call to My Fall
Vapors drop
mace and chains,
whips and fire;
You'll wait
for my love letter,
that murky wedge
between me & God.
I must confess,
I see snakes
and worms
and hear
the sounds
of much hissing.
Delayed Response
Tortured so I'll see?
I prefer banners,
a stack of blank sheets
in one solid color
of I want to be over you.
Enjoy my wedgies.
I like the Titles by the way. Clever. The only comment I will make really is "Between me & God" I struggle with as for years I've been told it should be "Between God & I" & I don't know if I'm able to change my firmly created mindset so I find it a bit jarring. However, I will accept that this is probably just me & my outdated perceptions.
A Constant Call to My Fall
Vapors drop
mace and chains,
whips and fire;
You'll wait
for my love letter,
that murky wedge
between me & God.
I must confess,
I see snakes
and worms
and hear
the sounds
of much hissing.
Delayed Response
Tortured so I'll see?
I prefer banners,
a stack of blank sheets
in one solid color
of I want to be over you.
Enjoy my wedgies.