09-13-2017, 10:38 PM
You have to show some level of control, in the technical writing, in the rhythm and color, in the content. Anything can burst with energy, but the art is the control of it. The magic in the balance. This has the feel of error mixed with lack of practice. That's what comes across first and foremost. The one thing you could try before anything else is looking at the relation between the content in the rhymes, and see if it could stretch less. Try not to add a phrase or sentence just because it rhymes.