Cannonball

[Richard]

Hey Yjack123,
I think you have a decent overall image here, of Bobby as a cannonball. However, you need to rethink some of your wording and other images. I'll go into more detail below:

This is my first posting.  I'm very eager to learn and improve.  Looking forward to your help.


Cannonball -While this title makes sense, I think it could be more creative.
 
 
Bobby had a single plan to leave it all to that old man. -I found the rhyming within the lines a bit distracting. One of my biggest suggestions would be to rewrite this poem with minimal rhyming.
An brand new stage; a different cast; just how long can one storm last? -I'm unclear of what storm you are talking about here. May be I'm missing something. It wouldn't be the first time.
 
I saw him and I turned away, I left him to his own decay. -This stanza made me curious about who the speaker may be. I think this is a point that could be explored more.
He took to drink and losing fights and beaten dogs are known to bite. -I'm unclear on why Bobby took to drinking. Again, This could be explored more.
 
And Bobby was a cannonball flying thru each shattered wall. -Personally, I would omit the "And" and start the poem here. Leave the reader wondering why Bobby is such a cannonball.
Not a thing would slow him down ‘til he buried in the ground. -I would remove this line as I think it doesn't add much.
A hunk of iron burning hot: betting on a single shot.
He knew he’d get one single fall. -I like this and the previous line. They effectively extend the metaphor of Bobby as a cannonball.
Who could stop a cannonball?
Yes, who could stop a cannonball? -I'm kind of on the fence with the repetition in these two lines. I don't know if they warrant it, but it does sound nice.
 
His treasure formed a tiny pile and getting to sleep could take a while. --What treasure? This could be explained more.
Rumbling nights are dark and cold when you don’t believe a word you’re told. -What words were lies? Again, this could be explored more.
 
Who can tell them all the cause?  They never wait for Santa Clause. -I think you're talking about children here, but it could be clearer.
They wear a shirt to hide a bruise and walk to school in dirty shoes. -I actually like this image. It just need it connected to Bobby more.
 
And Bobby was a cannonball busting thru each shattered wall. -Is the repetition of this line intentional?
Pure inertia made him fly, whistling through the midnight sky. -I like this line. It extends the cannonball metaphor again. I wonder if the midnight sky is an image worth exploring more?
He never knew just how to be with his potential energy, -How would one "be with his potential energy"? I think you should consider rewording this line because it's a bit unclear.
A sonic boom will sound his fall. -I don't know if "sonic boom" is justified here. His fall might be sadder if it was figuratively quieter.
Who can stop a cannonball?
Yeah, who can stop a cannonball? -I feel like repeating these two lines take away from their significance.

I think you have a good start here. You just need to do some editing. I look forward to seeing where you go from here.

Cheers,
Richard