First Edit: Friendship

[Todd]

Richard, I like the edit and find it much improved. Some slight suggestions.

First Edit:

As We Talk of Work, Vacations, and Children

We sit by a fire,
faces illuminated.
Our words own the night air

I lose myself in gatherings like this:
I change into a tree painted behind a bush,
added because the painter knew--consider leading this line with an only 
there was too much blue sky;
my voice no louder than a falling pine needle.

I stay longer than I intended,
afraid to revert,
to go home and lie alone,
my bed clean as snow.--excellent fix and image. After clean consider adding "and cold"


Original:

Friendship

We sit by a fire,
faces illuminated by dull light.
Our words own the night air
as we talk of work, vacations and children.

I lose myself in gatherings like this:
I become a tree painted behind a bush,
added because the painter knew
there was too much blue sky;
my voice no louder than a falling pine needle,
my sight limited to within the frame.

I stay longer than I intended
because it opiates my senses,
justifies my blank pages,
subdues my self-loathing.

Enjoyed the read.

Best,

Todd