Dingo (after Judith Wright) Edit 2

[billy]

the prose section was bloody and horrid and descriptive and excellent, nothing else to say about that part. it does work well as it is. it sets up the piece, without it or if it were at the bottom i may have thought it were wolves. with it the poem has a earthly quality and the dogs are definitely screaming dingoes.

the last stanza felt a little prose too but it didn't matter, it took me back into the beginning and made me read it again. apart from lack of knowledge re pulses i can't see a thing i'd change.

Edit 1


Lynchy worked one winter trapping dingoes for bounty. A lazy man, he couldn’t be bothered with traps. Dingoes were too smart for him. He bought unwanted mongrel bitches from the Council Pound. When they came on heat he tethered them near the National Park boundaries, with fish hooks embedded in their vulva and anchored to a branch. When a dingo mounted, his penis was hooked. He usually bled to death. Sometimes, one would leave shredded remnants, and escape.



A flock of stars pulses is it pulse or pulses? i ask because i'm not sure and can't stop reading it as pulse.
light as sound, fine
crystal-tapped notes. i like how the silence [yes i know there noise] sets up the poem. it almost feels like you're an astronomer


A high scream rises, rises, great counter to the tapped notes above,
falls slowly to a low moan.
Shadows fade to silence. nicely extended theme via noise



Before gods, before language,
wild dogs called from the void
to the light, voicing their land,
dark matter defying
the piercing stars.

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I'm not sure why I wanted prose and verse together. Sort of like a quasi-haibun.

Should the prose piece be first, or after the verse, or not at all? Or just keep the prose and cut the verse?

I'd love to know whether you think it works.