First Edit: Friendship

[billy]

a solid poem with need of a small edit, don't over do the editing because the first two stanza need very minor changes. the last stanza needs elevatingto the standard of the first two. enjoyed the read, thank you

Friendship

We sit by a fire,
faces illuminated by dull light.
Our words own the night air for me this is where the opening should end; on a hi and with a solid image, absolutely lovely.
as we talk of work, vacations and children. for me this line knocks the stuffing out the above image and weakens it.

I lose myself in gatherings like this:
I become a tree painted behind a bush, can something more that [i become] be used? i morph into, i grow, i do something more than i become. another great image.
added because the painter knew
there was too much blue sky;
my voice no louder than a falling pine needle, this extended image from L2 down is excellent, creates a feel of serenity verging on shyness.
my sight limited to within the frame. again, the last line weakens a powerful image

I stay longer than I intended
because it opiates my senses,
justifies my blank pages,
subdues my self-loathing. i think this stanza could be opened up a little more with better imagery.