On Death. 1st Edit

[billy]

First Edit

Thanks to those who left feedback, while i many not have used it all, it was all taken into consideration. i'm sure there's more edits still needed.

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On Death.

Like everyone I have a hidden mausoleum;
a wood-wormed drawer where buried treasures dwell.
Twin Watermen lay in state,
embraced in shrouds of gold filigree.
The autopsy confirmed their demise;
exsanguinated, bled out like Halal
chicken on Eid Al-Adha.
I'd sacrificed them like a Muslim holy man;
a final stroke for each.
I never fed them but the once,
and replaced each one in turn.
Flawless in a more artisinal hand
they never marched to my tempo.
Zig and zag they went, darting
in tongues, undecipherable.
How they vexed me, left me blue-fingered
blue-thumbed and humbled.
Their sweetly etched 14 carat toes kicking page
after crumpled page to the trashcan;
pissing Prussian over white heavyweight vellum.
They died and in their death throes turned me...

Have you met my Biro?

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original

On Death.

Like everyone I have a hidden citadel;
An ex wood-wormed drawer where treasures trove.
Twin Watermen lay in state
embraced in shrouds of fine filigree.
Upon their autopsies the worst was confirmed
Exsanguinated, bled out like Halal
chicken on Eid Al-Adha.
I'd sacrificed them like a Muslim holy-man;
a final stroke for each.
I never fed them but the once,
and replaced each one in turn.
Flawless in the right hands
they never marched to my tempo.
Zig and zag they went, darting
in tongues they spoke, undecipherable.
How they vexed me, left me blue-fingered
blue-thumbed and humbled.
Their sweetly etched  14 carrot toes kicking page
after crumpled pages to the trashcan;
pissing Prussian over white heavyweight vellum.
They died and in their death throes turned me...

Have you met my Biro?