The Difference - Edit 1

[Richard]

Hey Duke,
This version is definitely an improvement over your first draft. I do have some thoughts though:

The Difference

I. Solitude

A bachelor
stands outside his house
alone, discovering -I am going to go against the grain here to say I liked "entranced". I think you need a different word than "discovering"... may be "transfixed"?
cool breezes, sunny leaves
and birdsong
no one to say such gentle joys -I'll relent and say the phrasing "gentle joys" works. It does sum up the imagery well.
are unmanly. -I still like the enjambment and structure of this stanza. Even with the changes, it has a nice flow.

II. Loneliness

That bachelor discovering -Was "discovering" repeated on purpose?
no house-keys in his pocket. -I have an idea for the structure here. Why not combine these two lines into one. Since this is about loneliness, then the structure would match by being a single lonely line. Just a thought.

Solitude's a bachelor
standing outside his house
alone, entranced
by cool breezes, sunny leaves
and birdsong with
no one to say such gentle joys
are unmanly.

Loneliness is that same bachelor
realizing that he's got
no house-key in his pocket.

I like what I'm seeing here, and I look forward to seeing where you take this poem next.

Cheers,
Richard