08-28-2017, 05:57 PM
I wonder if you could make the poem work without stating Solitude/Loneliness. I feel like they flatten the poem and keep me from fully feeling each of them.
The whole subject is interesting, worth working with. Thanks for the read.
Quote:The Difference
Solitude's a bachelor
standing outside his house
alone, entranced While entranced is the right word, I'd rather share the feeling than be told.
by cool breezes, sunny leaves
and birdsong with
no one to say such gentle joys Love the sound of gentle joys and all the phrase encompasses (Sorry, Richard).
are unmanly.
Loneliness is that same bachelor
realizing that he's got This whole line could be condensed to "with", if the act of realization is important I'd rather you make me feel that moment.
no house-key in his pocket.
The whole subject is interesting, worth working with. Thanks for the read.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips