Together, apart

[Wjames]

Together, apart
 
Together

He saw oversized scrubs, a body trying its very hardest I think you could cut "very" without losing anything.
to fill every last stitch and pocket, endearingly,
honestly fit, she fashioned it and flowed freely, 
through halls of his mind, two workers, perfect unison in hand and mind
chained to a soul duty, a personal creed backgrounded by a full set
of stars and stripes, uniform, with ammunition toted in a 50-pound camo backpack.
It made her back arch, ache, and upon a 95-pound frame, still bore the mass I like "It made her back arch"
of he and his whole world. Interesting - a soldier & a nurse? I like this opening stanza.
 
It was confirmed then and there. Schooling was a selfish venture What was confirmed then & there? That schooling was a selfish venture? 
He knew his motivations incomplete, time ticked away irreverently to the real truth. "irreverently to the real truth" is very awkward. Also, "real" truth is unnecessary - if something is true it is inherently real.
Right then and there, amidst her maze of messes,
he re-evaluated, over-analyzed his whole, picked at every fiber
getting lost and confused amidst her tachy heart rates. tachy?
If he could study the art of her mind it would lead him to
wander endlessly, analyze and adore it all A little too sappy for my taste.
symphonies of JoJo would reverberate, rattle bones, shiver spines
 
He silently screamed, have patience!
Her life, it’s soul independence was worth all and any treasure.
Soft, molded living gold right before his eyes,
there is so safety deposit box worthy, "no safety"
no sense hoarding it, hiding this pure beauty from the world. This whole stanza is, again, too sappy for me - it makes me feel like I'm at a restaurant with a couple and they keep calling each other pet names and kissing. 
 
He did not curate, no museum tour guide classes
no ownership, nor want to make transparent glass boxes
to keep belongings in. No wall, story, or post was part of the plan;
his want for her to see the indescribable infinite beauty he saw. "indescribable infinite beauty" try and show me this, make me see something that has indescribable infinite beauty, and the poem will be very powerful. Show, don't tell, as the cliche goes.
What mirror could fit a pedestal so high?
Even if the subject only stood near five feet tall
 
Apart
He could have had her in three steps.
He made a choice that took him three steps further away "He made a choice that" could easily be condensed and say the same thing - i.e: "His choice took him"
from becoming the man he wanted so desperately to be. Interesting.
 
Step one,
that man used his heart more than his brain. 
He was smart enough to know how stupid smart people can be.
He let go of his metal and electric brain, sacrificed his philosophy
for hers, because there is no truth in Nietzsche, only truth in her. This stanza's pretty interesting.
 
Step two,
that man embraced worship. Made it his priority
to sit with her every weekend and feel the connection together.
He said “I want to go.”
Not “I’ll go with her.” This seems weird to me, but I have no faith.
 
Step three,
that man saw all the goodness within her
proclaimed it true every day,
told the world she was beautiful in every way. 
Not just because of what she could become,
because of who she already was.
The man that looked at her
saw everything he ever wanted
Because all he ever wanted was what he saw.
 
The choice he made instead.
His most important choice.
One he will hold with him as his only regret.
He chose not to try when it mattered most,
when she wanted him as much as he wanted her.
He chose not to seize the opportunity to become
The man he so desperately wanted to be. 
 
He would have become that man.
If only he would have danced with her at that wedding.
If only he would have held her in that pink dress.
If only he would have told her “I miss you too” instead of telling himself “I’ll see her on Tuesday.” These are kind of interesting, I can see them.
Monday was when he lost her forever.

The ending is too much sap for me. She's perfect in every way and everything would have been perfect if only - I don't believe it. 

Hey Fuzzy, sorry if this is too harsh for Basic. I like a lot of the Together part, but a lot of the poem is very sappy sort of cliche love poem stuff that turns me off. I think you if you do some edits you could make it better. Of course, you might disagree.

Hopefully you find this useful!