For the Birds - Edit 1

[Richard]

Hey Wjames,
I quite like some of the images you use throughout the poem. One suggestion would be to focus in a specific type of bird, but that is a minor point in my opinion. I do have some other thoughts as well:

The city park is more than hype, -I have to be honest, other than Central Park, New York, I've never really heard of a city park having much hype. I'm not much of outside person though, so may be that is why. 
the birds all twirl and land on wire
like circus freaks who risk their limbs -This is a nice simile. If you wanted to lengthen this poem, you could extend it, but it's good as it is.
for joy and art and dollar bills. -How do birds risk their limbs for dollar bills? I would suggest focusing on the idea of the joy of heights more.

They don't make much these days, the worms -I like this enjambment because it adds emphasis to a strong simile.
have all dried up like old steel towns -I love this simile. It creates a wonderful image in my mind, and compares two things I would never have thought were even remotely alike.
with empty roads as parched and dead
as sterile operation rooms. -Now you have a simile describing a simile. I've been guilty of such myself, but I would suggest just describing the town in more detail. May be something about the wormless soil being like abandoned buildings in the town? Just a thought. 

It's common courtesy to pay -There's nothing wrong with this line and the enjambment. If you wanted to, you could connect this idea of paying to the steel town simile. May be the bird seed could be like social assistance or some sort of charity.
in seeds, you leave some grain and take
the awe that lifts you through a day -I like the idea of the awe lifting you through the day because this is about birds.
of fluorescent repetition. -Strong last line. It really sums up how mundane life can be sometimes.

Overall, I think you got a nice first draft here. I look forward to seeing where you take this piece from here.

Cheers,
Richard