The Monk

[Richard]

Hey Ecesis,
I think I sort of understand what you were going for in this poem. I would say your biggest problem is that you know exactly what you are saying here, where as the reader needs some more information/explanation to fully get your message. This is a problem a lot of poets run into, and I've been guilty of it more than once. I'll go into more detail below:

A centuries old cross,
made by the sawdust mill;
did this weathered man, -Why is he weathered? What has this monk been through? These are details you could add.
clutch in his wringing hand.

He walked with aching wreath over the hill,
finding laurels,-Why are laurels so important for him?
by the hemming stump;

where in his fading gaze,
a divided town— -Why is the town divided? I'm assuming it might have something to do with religious differences, but it needs to be explored more.
lay asleep below;
seducing sounds of his sorrow. -I actually like this line. I just think you need to expand on it. I want to see a whole stanza explaining to me how the town seduced his sorrow.

Some mistress had veiled,
his hemlock eye,
with boundless thoughts,
of the ocean tide, -Why is he thinking about the ocean?

And bade him not, 
go any further than the pyre,
for this would surely lure,
death to near.-This whole stanza has wording in it that is a little outdated. I would suggest rewriting this stanza using more current language/syntax.

Worth grew nowt in this stygian gown,
as heavy lids knew the insides,
of his pining frown. -Why does he have a "pining frown"? Did the town break his heart in some way? I think you need to explore this more. 

My biggest suggestion would be to ask yourself what you wanted to say in this poem, and then looking at the feedback so far, ask yourself are readers understanding your intended message. If they aren't, then you should go back to this and edit it so it is clearer. Don't worry about making it too clear because you can always go back and edit it again. I think you got something to say here. You just need to work on how to best communicate it.

Keep writing,
Richard