08-21-2017, 05:17 PM
okay thanks achebe. i thought aching wreath was quite a simple metaphor. nothing too colourful. i will rewrite it.
thanks again to both of you for being forthright with your critiques
okay here's the rewritten work.
A centuries old omen cross
once drooped in the sawdust mill,
did this weathered man
now clutch in his wringing hand.
To reconcile his lonely way
the misty air of mistresses face
walked by his laurel eyes
out over winters hill,
as where the town did lay
in roundabout thought in hemlock cage
boundless they murmured
and hemmed his say,
for no value they sought
in heavy lids
or an inward sigh
of selfless grace,
it turned in them
they would onward subdue
and mar each others place
thanks again to both of you for being forthright with your critiques
okay here's the rewritten work.
A centuries old omen cross
once drooped in the sawdust mill,
did this weathered man
now clutch in his wringing hand.
To reconcile his lonely way
the misty air of mistresses face
walked by his laurel eyes
out over winters hill,
as where the town did lay
in roundabout thought in hemlock cage
boundless they murmured
and hemmed his say,
for no value they sought
in heavy lids
or an inward sigh
of selfless grace,
it turned in them
they would onward subdue
and mar each others place