Edit 6: Eventide

[ellajam]

First, a technical note:If you find a "copy without formatting" in your WP or copy first into a note pad it will make it easier for members to respond.

I like the title of Eventide, it's a lovely word and doubly appropriate for your beach scene. I don't think the  poem gains by being divided by titles, eventide sort of does that on its own. I find the section where you drop the capitalization of each line much more pleasant to read, I'm not sure what you think starting with and returning to it adds.

I. The Beach
Could dreams from the crib
And memories of my youth
Be blent into a silent chaos?
I'm not a fan of "be blent" and I question whether you need these three lines at all. I can understand that this is where the poem came from and what it examines but if the poem is successful it will elicit this question on its own.

In an artless time I like artless.
Of chasing brine-dripping gulls You might consider brine-dripped, or brine-dipped.
Alongside my sister,
I found comfort in the song
That the waves croon Tense confusion between found and croon.
From the lips of my  
Grandparents.
I like idea of the similarity between the ocean's and grandparents' calming effect.

Must've been why their calls Must've been why seems unnecessary to me, I'd prefer something else.
Seemed but the sand in the wind
 which stirred Muhly grass
 and tossed finer hair  
Seemed but the fragrance
 that salty sea slushes the rock. "the" seems off to me, possibly "on".
The above five lines are lovely.
We run, hopefully not on their patience, Fuzzy but interesting.
But run till we meet all-shades-of-blue's
Drowsy tug. Time to settle down.

II. The Room
Just as the sun would say
But it's hardly out, isn't it? This line is what the sun says? confusing.
So those words go to my grandparents;
Of course, we comply Possibly a colon here.
Hop in the shower, ripen up, and get dry. I like "ripen up", dry off might go well with it.
Then we would catch some cartoons; Bland, maybe a specific cartoon?
In her gown, grandma reads Possibly Grandma, in her gown, reads
Abraham Lincoln's biography.
Grandpa, quiet as he is,
Is already asleep.
These four lines are have an interesting effect, so simple and dry but aging them well in the common aging predicament of women sleeping less, men more.
Just as the sun would say Again, I've never figured out what the sun would say.
Of course, we comply
With the ease of the
Shore's ever-sweet lullaby.
Then off goes the lamp.

A temporary stay at temporal ban.
This is an interesting line, confused by the way stay can mean visit or arrest. I'm not sure if that is intentional. You could consider eliminating the white space below it.

I confounded this thought Confounded is fun here.
With dreams and existence,
Warped meditation.
And though the value of this
Is blotted out so beautifully,
I am as sure as eggs are eggs This could use a colon or a "that" before eventide.
Eventide at that beach was born
Out of love
For when decrepitude comes.
Thoughtful end.

Thanks for the read, good luck with it.