08-13-2017, 03:50 PM
This reads like it was composed on a random word generator.
"What curious light shone the callused, though careless, finger a-glimmer" is grammatically nonsensical, like practically every other line in the poem.
I'll repeat my earlier advice here - try not to write in a highfalutin poetic style. The poets who did that 200 years ago did so because that's how people spoke back then. Shakespeare sounds convoluted to us, but his jokes were understood by the rabble in the front rows. If you try to write like that, without an actual understanding of grammar as it was back then, you'll end up with a hodgepodge that wouldn't have made sense back then or now. For instance, L2-L4 ends with a question, but it's a mystery as to what the question is.
"What curious light shone the callused, though careless, finger a-glimmer" is grammatically nonsensical, like practically every other line in the poem.
I'll repeat my earlier advice here - try not to write in a highfalutin poetic style. The poets who did that 200 years ago did so because that's how people spoke back then. Shakespeare sounds convoluted to us, but his jokes were understood by the rabble in the front rows. If you try to write like that, without an actual understanding of grammar as it was back then, you'll end up with a hodgepodge that wouldn't have made sense back then or now. For instance, L2-L4 ends with a question, but it's a mystery as to what the question is.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe