Hidden in the Poppy Field
#4
(08-10-2017, 03:38 AM)nibbed Wrote:  Heslopian Image


Hints of Chicory
find shelter in the rouge
of Poppy's bloom,

abstract jutting branches
pose hidden Eutopias, perches
woody green

resting the tautened lace
of flitting Dragonfly
darting about, full day
in Peridot & Sphene;

flouncy wafts
tempt Butterflies
in silks of periwinkle

while root-pillared colonies
stockpile safety
in boulders of sand.
I second JM's observation about too many gerunds.
Furthermore, I don't see a coherent sentence emerge from the poem. I think some full stops would help. There are too many images building upon images here to follow.
I like the 'tautened lace' image.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe
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Messages In This Thread
Hidden in the Poppy Field - by nibbed - 08-10-2017, 03:38 AM
RE: Heslopian Image - by just mercedes - 08-10-2017, 11:56 AM
RE: Heslopian Image - by billy - 08-10-2017, 05:48 PM
RE: Heslopian Image - by Achebe - 08-10-2017, 06:47 PM
RE: Heslopian Image - by nibbed - 08-11-2017, 12:40 AM
RE: Heslopian Image - by Andurian - 08-11-2017, 09:30 PM
RE: Heslopian Image - by nibbed - 08-14-2017, 05:53 AM
RE: Heslopian Image - by alonso ramoran - 08-12-2017, 03:10 PM



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