08-06-2017, 05:27 PM
Some fluff cut. Even I didn't know what I was going for -- maybe capture a certain, frenetic state of mind on the part of the Lover, but all that did was sow confusion. Or maybe talk about bigger things, particularly with that third section: things that the voice isn't appropriate for, or that I'm not cooked enough to express. Still, I hope I'm on the path of making something out of this -- I do like the Beloved's bits. Thanks for the feedback.
ps, fuzzyllama: Beloved/Lover was supposed to clarify that this is two speakers, a la many editions of the translated Song of Songs, from which the piece gets its title. I guess my formatting was bad -- it's not a coherent conversation, sure, but that's what I'm going for.
ps, fuzzyllama: Beloved/Lover was supposed to clarify that this is two speakers, a la many editions of the translated Song of Songs, from which the piece gets its title. I guess my formatting was bad -- it's not a coherent conversation, sure, but that's what I'm going for.