Birthmark (Edit Two)

[nibbed]

hi fuzzyllama
I like your poem
especially the last line.


Birthmark

I can’t quite remember
or I made myself forget;                                        maybe swap out the colon for semi-colon?
Ten dollar rum made of smooth                             I'd lose the capitals on Ten & Waves
beaches and blue water,                           
Waves coming to shore in central Ohio                  
 
The birthmark beneath your                                  there's a run-on with structure happening here
left breast was the most perfect
thing about you
 
or was it under the right?
 
You were pink
Filled me with perfume
and pencil skirts
Flowers seemed unjust

Bouquets of love letters,
Teasingly twisted,
like western origami
You loved how they smelled
 
I spread myself too thin,
130 pounds to begin with
She was thin too,
No birthmark.
Gave me her mac and cheese,
didn’t feel like
She was sharing though
 
Took me five years
to walk away from our park bench
 
I’ve had many women
sit with me there,
wandering through my hedge maze
I always brought them in
and out by helicopter                                            heartbreaker...
 
I forgot to make an entrance
and an exit
You were the only one
who figured out
You could just step over the edges.                     love this


I know it's a challenge to dive into
punctuation, but keep trying,
eventually you will master it. This was
an interesting, thought provoking, read.
Thank you so much!

nibbed