Slow Hours

[Achebe]

Slow Hours


Odor of cedar billows down from the dusky needles....too long and clunky. You could shorten it to "the peppermint smell of cedar needles (note: I have no idea what cedar needles smell like) / mixes with the scent of grass" - the points being to use a more familiar olfactory reference and trim fat
and mixes with the scent of uncut grass.
I’ve worked hard in the sun...... would prefer a comma
But it is cool in the shade.
Who could resist sleep here? ... unnecessary. I get that you're trying to set up the dreaming in the next strophe, but the above two lines are good enough for that 


So I fade into dreams,
dreams of nights on the sleepless coast, .....I don't like the repetition here. I think you can remove the second "dreams" and the comma above and still do fine 
in Málaga, where I first met you.
In Málaga, city of orange trees and starlight,
of deep-eyed gypsy singers. ....."and" instead of "of"?


Again, I see you in the garden,
and hear the Andalusian music rising,
the castanets louder, faster,
racing to the rhythm of my heart.


Love was simple, then,
sweet and blood-red
like the young garnacha
we poured and poured.


Those nights
we did not sleep,
but dreamed together,


dreamed of each-other....don't need a hyphen
all the slow hours of the night.
That was all.

Lovely mood piece