“Cycles past”

[Pat Doiron]

lines in italic have been edited


The moon phases
Its thumbnail expression scrapes across the night sky
The stars glean their glint as though in my eye

There they sit lighting what was never lit
Guiding me as it would be the days past
What do they tell me starring down
Countless, like members of some race
Come to face the facts of going back to the place from whence I came.

I am tamed by the fields of light over the darkened backdrop
Each star the symbol of a thought I once entertained
In that which was once a day.

I see a possible change. It may change the meaning you are trying to convey, it may strengthen it.

"The stars glean their glint as though my eye"

The flow seems a bit off now, but getting rid of the "in" gives a stronger connection between your eye and the stars as if they are truly the same thing rather than simply appearing to be so. A few other lines also go along with this theme.

"They sit lighting what was never lit" 

A person's eyes have the same purpose as the stars, in this case, lighting things up that otherwise would be invisible to us. The stars illuminating our minds (as stated in the last paragraph "Each star the symbol of a thought I once entertained"), our eyes illuminating the world around us.

I think the change would be dependent on how strong of a connection you want between the stars and your eyes. Do you want to seem far away, yet barely connected or do you want them to feel close, intimate, almost one in the same?

hey fuzzyllama1, your comment is note worthy, I've been debating weather or not to change that line based on others comments and my own observations, thanks for your comment