Fourth Edit: Hometown

[RiverNotch]

First Edit:

I
The moonlight tried to give me solace.
The transparent clouds knew my intention
as I paused and pretended to ponder
a decision I'd already made.
All of this is wordier than the last, and that makes this all the worse. The only time the last went wordy was with its first line, "translucent solace", and that was all in the very clear service of setting the general mood -- otherwise, it cut itself, "pretended to decide on" rather than "pretended to ponder", which sounds much more suburban. Change it back.

I thought of that day last summer,
of how my Résumé was stuck in my hand
like an unwanted love letter,
of how it was best to leave while you were asleep. 
This still tells rather than shows. "how my Resume was stuck in my hand" may be metaphorical, but it's too shallow to be effective; the image is too literal, instead of being something a little more indirect, a little more evocative. Not to mention "Resume" again belongs to a different register, at least with regards to its spelling.

II
After retirement, I returned.
Now it's just ridiculous. In fact, I liked the previous time frame far better -- it brought the situation closer to home, and made the distance between speaker and addressed more distant. We just last year moved house, and though our new one is just a few blocks away, it still feels weird, returning every so often to the house I spent my first twenty years living and dying in. And, for a less sappy example, I refer to the experiences of the immigrants I've met, both those leaving the countryside for the big city, and those who've left the country for better prospects, and how the former, however recent, sorely miss their old homes, while the latter, however successful, often periodically return here, especially when they're just starting out. In fact, the immigrants I've met that stuck for much longer in their new places tend to miss their hometowns less, or at least feel less attached to it -- their hometown is rivaled by the town they've actually made their home for, in many cases, much longer.
You seemed more beautiful than before,
and this made me hate you worse.

I liked the original better, even if it was a little less solid. That said, "I had to leave while you were asleep" -- if this talks about a hometown, then what does it mean for one's home to be asleep? What sort of degradation has it undergone, or, and in this case it applies also to a human addressed, what sort of quest, which should feel much more momentous than a mere Resume could convey, must the speaker undergo to see his move as being so momentous? [/b]

Original:
I
I had to leave while you were asleep.
I'm sorry it had to be that way.

The moonlight was translucent solace,
the dark sky didn't judge
as I pretended to decide on
a decision I'd already made.
I remembered walking home that last day,
your pavement hot and cracked
like a young lover's promise.

II
After almost a year, I returned.
You seemed more beautiful than before,
and this made me hate you worse.