07-25-2017, 05:17 AM
(07-25-2017, 04:33 AM)Pat Doiron Wrote: “The chime”Very nice evocation of a wind chime made with found items.
Twisted forks hanging from a fabrication
Alongside flattened spoons
Dangling by threads fed through there souls hard to picture this
They dance when the wind blows
Their collisions creating vibrations with every gust
Melody comes to being, an entity unto itself "into" rather than "to," despite/because of semi-rhyme with "unto?"
Patterns, beautifully and harmoniously chaotic
Bring forth joy in balance.
Had a little trouble with your third line - why drill holes in the silver rather than just tie the thread securely around the utensils? The implied holes are usefully metaphorical in line with "souls" (navels?) but engineering-wise hard to justify IMHO. For exact balance, perhaps?
Was critical of "creating" rather than "creates," but on third reading the extra syllable of the participle jingles appropriately. Good choice.
Very pleasant - like a good wind chime. Thanks for posting!
Non-practicing atheist