Lois Lane's Testimony at the Inquest (Revision 3)

[Todd]

Hey Todd,
I quite like this piece. You have a wonderful ability with crafting dialogue. Have you ever thought about writing a play? I think you could produce something wonderful.
I feel like there is some sort of allusion at work here, but I'll try to just stick to what is actually going on in the poem:

[quote="Todd" pid='231787' dateline='1500496750']
Revision
 
I hadn’t dated since the alien -I love the line break here. It creates emphasis on all the right words.
invasion. In this world, 
love doesn’t fall from the sky. -Since you are talking about aliens, this line made me happy. I shouldn't have read one of the other critiques because all I see in this poem now is Superman and Lois Lane, especially with this line. 
He had that Midwestern
carry a pickup truck on his shoulders look; -This line and the previous one sound so absurd, but also so matter-of-fact that it just works.
I guess I have a type—especially with the glasses
which always make them look smart, -If you wanted to add a bit, you could explain the speaker's type more. Is she/he attracted to more than just intelligence? This is one of those points were there's nothing wrong with that you have, but you could expand on the idea here to make the poem longer, if you want. You could even have the speaker start to go into too much detail, and then cut her/himself off as she/he realizes it. Just some food for thought. 
and reminds me of how stupid I can be. I was done -I love the juxtaposition of smartness with the speaker's own admitted stupidity. It makes these lines more striking.
being someone who needed saving.
So, I timed the shot with the champagne-I get the impression that the "shot" the speaker is talking about is a camera shot.
they popped at the table. The cork flew
over my head. You learn to get down
when someone shoots one of them. I never -The wording about the cork here works so well. It sounds like real dialogue and just adds wonderfully to the tone of the poem.
could get used to the ricochets, the rebounds.
It was a surprise when his blood bubbled up -Who died? I get the mystery behind the victim's identity, but again, this is something you could expand upon if you wanted to lengthen the poem.
to fill my glass. Not sure how he managed it. -Is the "he" the victim or the murderer? Is the speaker marveling at the shot that killed someone or the blood in her glass? This could be clearer.

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Edit 1: (Paul)


Overall, this is a strong poem. It gives off a wonderful sci-fi element that I would never expect to find in a poem.

Nice work,
Richard

Richard, thank you for the excellent critique. You showed me some areas that needed work. Hopefully, this revision is a step forward.

I've sketched out some rough plays and enjoy writing dialogue--so thanks. I'm glad you liked the sci-fi elements.

I'll be posting a new revision shortly.

Thank you,

Todd