07-20-2017, 01:43 PM
Hey Todd. I can't find much to improve upon with this one. Some minor notes below...
Paul
(07-20-2017, 05:39 AM)Todd Wrote: I hadn’t dated since the alien great line break. Made me smile.Enjoyed the read Todd. Sorry I couldn't add much.
invasion. In this world,
love doesn’t fall from the sky.
He had that Midwestern
carry a pickup truck on his shoulders look;
I guess I have a type. (Especially the glasses this sentence is somewhat of a fragment. Doesn't really bother me as it's dialogue anyway. Maybe take another look at "especially"?
which always make them look smart—
reminds me of how stupid I once was.) I wanted
to show that I wasn’t someone to save. - slightly awkward line for my read
So, I timed the shot with the champagne
they opened at the table. The cork flew "popped" may be better than "opened" for sound, although the slant rhyme with "shot" could be an unwanted distraction.
over my head. You learn to get down
when someone shoots one of them. I never
could get used to the ricochets, the rebounds. nice
It was a surprise when his blood bubbled up to me too
to fill my glass. Not sure how he managed it.
Paul
