undifined expression

[Pat Doiron]

italic lines have been changed

“Undefined expression”
 
Pictures I've drawn draw me in, I become one with them Good use of alliteration. Writing creatively about creative drawing is interesting.
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums 
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within
to be set free despite myself

How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse Converse as opposed to convey? Minor difference, perhaps not necessary to change
But to express in less than words something that hurts or doesn't work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open Plain to see, set in the open, repeats which are not necessary.
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes This line and the next line need tweaking (beaten, defy) to be more true. Perhaps weakened or tired or some other synonym for at the rope's end instead of beaten.
As I defy my will to die

Dry your eyes, open your mind  
Flow from what cannot be defined.

your thoughts?

ORIGINAL

Pictures I've drawn draw me in and I become one with them
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within
To be set free, set free despite myself
 
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse
But to express in less than words something that hurts or does not work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes
As I defy that which would have me die
 
Dry your eyes
open your minds
Flow from what cannot be defined.



I'm by no means a pro of any kind lol , but i do enjoy putting my thoughts on paper in the form of poetry and short lyrical stories. really looking forward to your comments

You like juxtaposition. Something that I don't use a lot of, at least consciously. Take more bold leaps in use of metaphor, image, and others to make it poetic. For now, seems like you are writing a letter about struggling in writing, or a form letter on how to write, which isn't to be taken as your not belonging in the writing. I am continuing to learn as well that creating for creating's sake is great for learning, while starting out.

hum i like what you got out of that actually, that is a very interesting interpretation. thanks for your input Solstice, i use juxtaposition here to symbolize the conflicts going on in the moment i wrote the poem, they are after all quickly written and i don't tend to think about it much. more like getting a feeling on a page... as raspberry pointed out earlier and i agree, is that it's simple and open to interpretation. and yes on that last point, although I've been writing for some time I'm always learning and that's what I'm here for. thanks again Solstice