07-20-2017, 07:12 AM
I really like what you've done here.
Some minor suggestions:
Black Hole works for the title but I'd be tempted to rename it Singularity and then alter your last line to simply "only I."
I would also consider removing aspiring pupil from line 2. It works conversationally but doesn't really add anything that plays off the imagery. Bright prodigy gets you there on its own.
Your end words work very well.
Best,
Todd
Some minor suggestions:
Black Hole works for the title but I'd be tempted to rename it Singularity and then alter your last line to simply "only I."
I would also consider removing aspiring pupil from line 2. It works conversationally but doesn't really add anything that plays off the imagery. Bright prodigy gets you there on its own.
Your end words work very well.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson