“Cycles past”

[Pat Doiron]

You have some good moments here. I think it may be stronger though with a few cuts. Here are some thoughts for you.

The moon phases, its thumbnail expression scraping across the night sky--This could probably be three lines though that's a style choice: The moon phases/its thumbnail expression/scraping across the night sky
However you want to do the layout, I think you could perhaps change scraping to scrapes and cut across.
The stars glean there glint as though in my eye, --Not a fan of glean there. I think cutting wouldn't hurt meaning or tone.
I watch the night pass me by from dusk till dawn--This line doesn't add much and dusk til dawn is fairly cliche. 
They sit lighting what was never lit.--If you did cut the last line you could cut "They sit" 
Guiding me as it would be the days past. --perhaps substitute it would be the with "in"
 
A laps in time. --Typo lapse
 
What do they tell me starring down
Their countless numbers, like members of some race --slight cuts "their" and "numbers"
Come to face the facts of going back to the place from whence I came.
I am tamed by the fields of light over the darkened backdrop
Each star the symbol of a thought I once entertained
In that which was once a day.


I'm gonna have to start writing these in the correct format... when i sit down to write it just comes out in paragraphs, kinda makes it hard to time/divide

I just noticed this was in basic. So, I'll stop. I think you get my point. There are some good thoughts here. I'd just look to cut off some of the fat to emphasize more of the good lines and themes.

I might have went a bit in depth for the forum. I hope it helped though.

Best,

Todd

supper duper Todd!! yeah, what's worst is i cut like a crap load of stuff out of it before the post lol, i agree with pretty much all of your suggestions and no worries about the depth of your critique, I'm used to being critiqued... I'm gonna rewrite it and see how i feel about it

Thank you much.