07-19-2017, 05:40 AM
lines in italic have been edited
The moon phases
Its thumbnail expression scrapes across the night sky
The stars glean their glint as though in my eye
There they sit lighting what was never lit
Guiding me as it would be the days past
What do they tell me starring down
Countless, like members of some race
Come to face the facts of going back to the place from whence I came.
I am tamed by the fields of light over the darkened backdrop
Each star the symbol of a thought I once entertained
In that which was once a day.
hummm kinda had to restructure a bit for it to make sense to me. i think it may flow a little better with the cuts i made although i find i lose to much of the "feeling" if I'd go any further....
your thoughts?
original
The moon phases, its thumbnail expression scraping across the night sky
The stars glean there glint as though in my eye,
I watch the night pass me by from dusk till dawn
They sit lighting what was never lit.
Guiding me as it would be the days past.
A laps in time.
What do they tell me starring down
Their countless numbers, like members of some race
Come to face the facts of going back to the place from whence I came.
I am tamed by the fields of light over the darkened backdrop
Each star the symbol of a thought I once entertained
In that which was once a day.
I'm gonna have to start writing these in the correct format... when i sit down to write it just comes out in paragraphs, kinda makes it hard to time/divide
The moon phases
Its thumbnail expression scrapes across the night sky
The stars glean their glint as though in my eye
There they sit lighting what was never lit
Guiding me as it would be the days past
What do they tell me starring down
Countless, like members of some race
Come to face the facts of going back to the place from whence I came.
I am tamed by the fields of light over the darkened backdrop
Each star the symbol of a thought I once entertained
In that which was once a day.
hummm kinda had to restructure a bit for it to make sense to me. i think it may flow a little better with the cuts i made although i find i lose to much of the "feeling" if I'd go any further....
your thoughts?
original
The moon phases, its thumbnail expression scraping across the night sky
The stars glean there glint as though in my eye,
I watch the night pass me by from dusk till dawn
They sit lighting what was never lit.
Guiding me as it would be the days past.
A laps in time.
What do they tell me starring down
Their countless numbers, like members of some race
Come to face the facts of going back to the place from whence I came.
I am tamed by the fields of light over the darkened backdrop
Each star the symbol of a thought I once entertained
In that which was once a day.
I'm gonna have to start writing these in the correct format... when i sit down to write it just comes out in paragraphs, kinda makes it hard to time/divide