Fourth Edit: Hometown

[nibbed]

Hi Richard, I'm going to step into the water and try once again to critique on this forum.
Perhaps I can be some help.


I
I had to leave while you were asleep.
I'm sorry it had to be that way.                      -seems the next few lines should include reason

The moonlight was translucent solace,            -translucent?  how about something like "The moonlight offered solace" , I'm stuck                    
the dark sky didn't judge                                 on luminescent because of the moon, though I know it would throw off meter
as I pretended to decide on                             
a decision I'd already made.                             
I remembered walking home that last day       -after the apology this recall doesn't seem to fit, why offer it?
your pavement [was] hot and cracked            -not sure about an evening pavement being "hot" and wondering why/if
like a young lover's promise.                              it's typical for a young lover's promise to be "cracked"

II
After almost a year, I returned.                        -perhaps hint at why the speaker returned
You seemed more beautiful than before,
and this made me hate you worse.                 


I read this as a striking love poem of unresolved hurt. It seems flat in that it doesn't offer enough background/description of the relationship, though the first and last stanza seem to indicate a human commonality of vulnerability and emotion. I am curious as to why it is a two part poem?

thank you for the interesting read. i wonder where it will go from here.

janine