07-17-2017, 12:42 PM
Wow, if only I can summon rhymes such as these.
I've found the flow of the poem to be a problem. Some lines have too little syllables to suffice, others too long. I don't know how to quote them ): due to how new I am, but by reading it aloud, you should find the places where some lines seem like they drift too far, and then the lines that feel empty after being said.
I find the quote under this, for example, being a syllable too long. An easy fix would be changing "burning" to "burnt," if it suits your taste.
"you surrounded the town but it's already burning down."
This was a nice read, I should say. I find this website having a lot of good poems (maybe it's just me being new), and I'm glad I had the chance to critique.
Good luck!
I've found the flow of the poem to be a problem. Some lines have too little syllables to suffice, others too long. I don't know how to quote them ): due to how new I am, but by reading it aloud, you should find the places where some lines seem like they drift too far, and then the lines that feel empty after being said.
I find the quote under this, for example, being a syllable too long. An easy fix would be changing "burning" to "burnt," if it suits your taste.
"you surrounded the town but it's already burning down."
This was a nice read, I should say. I find this website having a lot of good poems (maybe it's just me being new), and I'm glad I had the chance to critique.
Good luck!
Smooth is my tongue,
Sharper are my teeth