07-15-2017, 03:46 AM
You set a good scene, Keith. There's an emotional richness to your writing. I'm envious of how you set your observations down.
My only call out is a line like this:
eyes are fragile and kind.
It's a bit lazy. You attribute the characteristics without earning them. I think if you were to clean this up and let the imagery and the scene you produce do the work, it would be stronger.
My only call out is a line like this:
eyes are fragile and kind.
It's a bit lazy. You attribute the characteristics without earning them. I think if you were to clean this up and let the imagery and the scene you produce do the work, it would be stronger.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson