Wearing My Issues

[billy]

hi TYF,

you get the point across and in places the poem connected with me. i think you could take out a lot of the verbiage without losing anything. once that's done you could use a few simile/metaphore and make it just a little less telly. i'd also consider reworking the end as it feels a little cheesy. i did enoy some of the originality, and the simile in the first stanza. sadly it was the only one to be had.

Most days I feel like I wear
my depression, my anxiety,
my PTSD, and my issues let the title do its job, i'd suggest ending line on PTSD.
like a sash of girl scout badges that I proudly sewed on no need for [that]
and wear with my uniform to Brownies.

This is part of a girls' club [no need for this is]
of which I've never wanted to be a member;
something much bigger than me,
replacing my personality,
that I just want to escape.

But I drown myself in it.
I paint it on myself
and it's my identity more often than it isn't.

The girl wearing the sash wants to replace those badges,
one by one,
with things that are more worthy of a life story;
More worthy of topics of conversation;
More entertaining than talking about my rape,
or my abuse,
or why I'm sad today.

I just want to get a badge that says I learned how to skip today.
I blew bubbles and they flew and glimmered into the wind.
I played hopscotch and counted to ten while remembering to breathe
and reciting my favorite rhyme. good stanza that counters the depression within the poem while adding to it.

It's always been like this.

Always crying eyes and sad stories; and wishing I was invisible;
People asking me why I'm so quiet;
My mom saying I'm just looking for attention;
My dad hitting me when -

There I go again.

I don't want to write another sad poem.

I want to rise above it all.
I want to give sad people with sad faces like me hope.

Give me a day where I believe the sun will rise
and I will enjoy the sunset without fearing the dark.