just to put what i said into context. the intro has more emotion than the poem, it should be the other way round.
just an example using only your words;
this is a little personal but i lost my older brother
a while back and over time i've found myself
obsessing and becoming so self-absorbed
about times when we were together,
beating myself up about what a dick i was to him at times.
i just can't get over the fact i will never be able to talk with him again.
to try and quell that horrible feeling i tried
writing something for him, but it was really hard
trying to put down everything and make it work.
it needs a little work, maybe remove some of the filler words but what i'm saying is the intro has an emotional connection.
and most of us have been where you're at right now. losing loved ones is never easy nor is writing about it and reading feedback that cares more about the poem than the author. it will get easier. xx
just an example using only your words;
this is a little personal but i lost my older brother
a while back and over time i've found myself
obsessing and becoming so self-absorbed
about times when we were together,
beating myself up about what a dick i was to him at times.
i just can't get over the fact i will never be able to talk with him again.
to try and quell that horrible feeling i tried
writing something for him, but it was really hard
trying to put down everything and make it work.
it needs a little work, maybe remove some of the filler words but what i'm saying is the intro has an emotional connection.
and most of us have been where you're at right now. losing loved ones is never easy nor is writing about it and reading feedback that cares more about the poem than the author. it will get easier. xx