mighty shy muse (edit)

[just mercedes]

Hi - I think your attempts to marshall your verse into rhyme are the biggest set-backs to the poem. This forces rhymes like 'obtuse' - a statement that isn't borne out in the rest of the poem. Sudden leap to past  tense in the final line is also a little confusing.




mighty shy muse
 

lousy little underweight muse
feral furry creature of blues
come, cutie, I´m too obtuse Lousy, feral, and cute? Hard to imagine.
 
sticky sentences disrupted
picky issues well neglected
icky words again retracted I'm not keen on sticky/picky/icky - childish against disrupted, neglected, retracted
 
trembling you tend to the dark not sure why the muse trembles
my stories are short-lived like sparks
at least obvious lies you´ll distort  reversal of word order - why?
 
send us Thorn to fly astray, Why would a dragon fly astray? Only to make a rhyme?
bend and burn the rules away,
mend the dreams, let chaos reign the muse has god-like powers? Lousy and feral as it is?
 
freedom moves never in marches. reversed word order feels wrong
dragons? not for those who fear torches… no idea who fears torches
again, your voice faded, I´m searching.  weak ending, no punch to it
 
 
 

 

mainly I hope for interpretations, responses wether and what kind of meaning can be drawn from this, but any type of comment is appreciated including harsh critique, pointing out embarrassing spelling or grammar errors, jokes, deviations from topic and surreal associations.